Published in The Words Faire

Ghosts walk this land with me. My ghosts are not spectres nor apparitions, but tender confluences of memories and gratitude for loved ones I have lost. Through Stillpoint’s tranquil meadows and untamed forest, they accompany me, their absence a gentle yet profound presence that has taken on their shape, and I feel them with me.

My ghosts are intertwined with the birdsong of this land, with the soft ripple that stirs inside me when I hear it. They are present in the supple motion of tall grasses swaying with the breeze, and in the majestic spruce and fir, the sturdy ponderosa, all reminding me of the strength and courage I witnessed when they encountered challenges in their lives. All I’ve learned from them continues to live in me. My sister Susan most of all, and especially at Stillpoint. 

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HOUSE OF MIRRORS

Published in The Awakenings Review, Spring 2024

Nominated for The Pushcart Prize

The Awakenings Review publishes poets, writers and artists experiencing mental illnesses, and related writers. It is a print-only journal, but you can see a sample in this PDF file.

Throughout psychiatry’s history, its view of delusions has centered on their imperviousness to contrary evidence. In Kraepelin’s influential (1899) textbook Psychiatry, he writes that a delusion is a belief that is not open to doubt. (K. Arnold & J. Vakhrusheva, 2015)

It was mid-October 2008 and our last evening in Italy after spending several weeks in the Chianti countryside. With an overnight stay in the fishing village of Fiumicino near the Rome airport, we slept unaware of what was happening at home in Colorado.

Back in Boulder, through the fog of jet lag, I checked my email messages, something I hadn’t been able to do consistently in Italy. And there on my screen was a message from Vandy, a friend who had been restoring a small building at Stillpoint, our beloved property in the mountains. She had written it October 6, more than a week earlier.

Hi Carol,
I want you to know that we did not end up camping at Stillpoint last weekend. We arrived at the property and encountered a man who said he was the owner. He was not familiar with your name. After a short conversation with him we left. I felt as though the person we met did not belong there and thought you should know. He said that he planned to stay until November or so.

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